3 weeks

During a random interaction at school yesterday a girl asked me if I had ever lived alone.  My response was no at first but after a little thought I said yes.  I am currently living alone and have been for the last 3 weeks.  And will continue to live alone for the next....  who knows.  The really convenient, nice, and helpful thing about having a spouse in the military is they don't really tell you when your spouse will be back.  I will probably see him at the beginning of May but who knows? 

Living alone, even for a little while is a very good learning experience.  There is a lot of time to just think.  A lot of time to be alone and discover if you really like yourself.  I have really enjoyed this small chapter in my life and am finding that I do in fact like myself.  

It has been lonely at times but far less lonely than I had anticipated.  I have a really stellar group of friends in California that have been so kind and giving of their time.  And even though the one person I want to spend time with is gone for now, I have still really enjoyed cultivating new friendships.  

For those that are interested Michael is doing well in training.  He has to work ridiculous hours, and when I say ridiculous I do mean ridiculous.  He works from 6:00am to 1:00 am (on the worst of days) and works 7 days a week!   He does get a random day off every once in a while but for the most part he  is doing at least 100 hour work weeks.  Despite the long days he is enjoying the training for the most part.  I get to talk to him on the phone everyday which helps a lot, and every conversation we talk about how we are one day closer to him being back home.  I can't wait for that!

a frank conversation about deployments

Michael has to go on trainings a lot for his job and usually he is only gone for a few days at a time.  A few days is perfect because I get time to do homework, be alone (which is a necessary thing for me), and miss him without feeling lonely.  Last year he had to leave for a month which was hard but we got through it.
At the end of next month he has to leave again for a training deployment.  Just to clarify, the word deployment sounds scary but it technically means any amount of time that the person is away from his duty station.  Our duty station is Camp Pendleton in San Diego.  He is going on a training deployment to Yuma, Arizona for six weeks.  Six Weeks!  Any military spouse that reads this will probably think, "pshhhh, 6 weeks is nothing."  Which is true, in the grand scheme of things 6 weeks isn't that long.  But no matter how long that person is gone for you worry about their safety, worry if they are happy, and worry if you can ask for help.
That is the biggest worry, that is the worry that the military community doesn't really talk about; asking for help.  We live around so many men and women that have been through months and years of training and conditioning to be strong, independent, and fearless.  And because spouses are surrounded by these ideals it starts to get really hard to ask for help.  I don't mean help in changing the oil or fixing the broken faucet, I can pay someone to do those things.  But help in friendship, help in not feeling so secluded and lonely.  I have made some really great friends out here, people I could call at any time and they would drop everything to help me.  Some of those people have moved to other countries, other neighborhoods and some are still close by and I am grateful for all of them, but what happens when the mental rolodex is used up and no one is left to call?  How do you ask someone to come over and sit with you on the couch, no conversation necessary, just be with you?
This is why deployments are hard.  This is why life in general is hard.  Any amount of time away from the people you love seems like eternity when you are living it.  Something needs to change. Everyone, military or not, needs to learn how to ask for help.  Learn that being alone is ok, and that asking to not be alone is ok too!  His next training will be my training, I am going to learn how to ask for help.

Calculus

Normally I hate it.
Normally I don't understand it.
Normally the lack of numbers and abundance of symbols annoys me.
But this semester has not been normal.

My test is on Wednesday, we will see if I my slight, timid, approval of this class continues.

I got accepted!

I got accepted to CSU!!!  I will be studying chemistry and will hopefully graduate in 2 years, with my bachelors degree.  Yes, I have been out of high school for almost 5 years and yes I don't have my degree yet and yes that kind of makes me a slacker but none of that matters because I got accepted!  California is kind of annoying about transfer college credits and getting into school so I have had to jump through hoops for the past year and a half but it is all worth it now!
I will start in the fall and go to school full time so that I will have my degree before Michael's contract with the marine corps is up.  I am not sure how all the timing will work out but for now I am not worried about it.  Wish me luck!

Merry Christmas

Michael and I didn't go to Utah for Christmas because of his work.  Instead we got to go to Los Angeles and spend the holiday with other family.  It was so fun to wake up on Christmas morning with little kids again.  They are so excited about santa coming and it makes the whole holiday that much more fun.  

We were a little sad about not going to Utah so we wanted to try extra hard to make it feel festive here.  We had a bit of a challenge on our hands, making it feel like Christmas, when the weather is still like warm enough for short sleeves and snow hasn't failed in over 10 years. So we went a little over board in decorating our apartment.  Here are some of the things we did

You can't really see in the picture but there are little wrapped up boxes in the red bowl.   Plus my tiny tree I bought at Trader Joe's

Happy Holidays

We painted our own ornaments, that is a mustache, Michael and I still don't understand what so great about them but we figured we would jump on the wagon

We wrapped our pictures hanging on our wall, cheapest decorating trick

It was fun decorating our apartment and even though it wasn't the same as going home we both still had a great time staying here.  

Christmas Spirit

Michael and I live in California.  He works all the time as a Marine and because of his crazy work schedule we don't get to travel (travel to Utah especially) as much as we would like to.  This year is no exception.  We were hoping that we would be able to come to Utah for the Christmas holiday but we had no such luck.  He was denied liberty and that means we are grounded here in California.  There are worse places to be stuck obviously.

This news was especially hard because there is a new little baby that I desperately need to go see.  My amazing sister just had her first baby and all I want to do is give him a big hug and a kiss.  We both wanted to go and see our family and friends,  tell them how much we love them and miss them, but it will all be ok because I think they already know those things. 

Michael and I are going to have our own little Christmas here.  We bought a Christmas tree, went shopping yesterday for each others gifts and are making traditions of our own.  We will also go see other family in Los Angeles.  

It was initially hard to hear that we weren't able to go to Utah for the holiday but, we have both accepted it.  Even though there isn't snow or cold weather, fireplaces or hot chocolate, it still feels a lot like Christmas.

Thanksgiving weekend

Thanksgiving was a fun holiday here in San Diego.  Michael and I didn't go to Utah for the holiday but Michael's family came here!  They were all really excited about the warm weather, apparently blizzards aren't as fun as the beach...?
I cooked Thanksgiving for 10 people.  Michael and I, his family (3), my favorite neighbor, and four Marines that showed up last minute.  Thank goodness I bought a lot of extra food.  I have come to find that jello served on Thanksgiving is a total Mormon tradition.  A lot of people were confused by this side dish but they all loved it, thanks Mama Mara for the recipe!
On Friday we decided to go to the San Diego Zoo!

 We spent the whole day there, we saw birds, gorillas, lions, reptiles, polar bears, and of course the pandas.  San Diego Zoo is the only zoo in the world that had a complete family of panda bears.  The new baby just got here a few weeks ago.  There were tons of people waiting to see the panda family so the only pictures we got were photo bombed by people with poor style, bad haircuts and a lot of satchels .  Enjoy!

We also saw this handsome creature.  Still not quite sure what it is, but I do know that he moved super slow and when he finally stopped his feet were in his water supply.  A worthy goal.

We ended the day with some much needed soft serve.  And yes documentation is also needed because I haven't had a good twist cone in years.  

It was a really fun weekend and even though it was hard to say bye to Michael's family we were still so grateful that they were able to come visit us.  Who's next?